When parents are divorced they really think of their children? Do they consider the implications of divorce on their children? What should be the priority during the divorce? Below is the story of Craig a young lady who shares her feelings about her parents’ divorce. “ A message from my mother’s divorce lawyer I was surprised. Things were bad between my parents, and my mom had already threatened to divorce my dad once that year. Before things turned sour, I thought my family was completely normal.
My friends had even commented that my family was perfect. It turns out, not so much it was hard for me to understand why they were doing this to my sister and me. I did not know how to react there were all kind of feelings inside of me. During the divorce my parents were more concerned about fighting for things and our custody than my sister and me, when the priority needed to be us. It was the second year after the divorce that I started talking about the impact of the divorce on me.
Even private people like me need a support system, though, and since you can’t grow one overnight, I ended up seeing a therapist. I can honestly say that it helped a lot and I wish I had made the decision to see one earlier the divorce made me grow up, or my parents’ maturity decreased post-divorce, because all of a sudden the things they did seemed child-like. The emphasis on keeping things ” fair” between them and ” helping” us kids led to fights and pain. I feel like a parent myself – if I turn away for a second, when I turn back around they’re getting up to trouble.
Trying to fix this has taken up most of my energy for about a year now – while I advise admitting that you have no control in the situation and leaving it to your parents to handle, I understand personally how hard it is to do so, and I’ve battled with that for years now” (Craig 1). People do not know what is going to be the impact in teens after or during a divorce; all situations are different but most likely the impact is going to be negative. When the children realize that their home is destroyed and there is nothing that can be done lots of feelings may come and this may make them change their personality or attitudes.
But parents may not notice it because they have many things to think about during the process of the divorce. Therefore, parents should take steps to maintain the mental and physical health of the children during and after the divorce. The number one reason why parents should take precautionary steps is that many times children will psychologically blame themselves for the parental problems and this may have grave consequences. ……. is Divorce can be painful for all family members even for close friends but for a teen it should be something inexplicable even if their parents have problems.
That is why a psychologist or counselor could help them going through the big change. Many teenagers will blame themselves for their parents’ behavior because it is emotionally easier to deal with. It is common for teens to formulate beliefs about how their behavior is the reason their parents are divorcing. (Hudson Chris1) For youths can be easier to build a reason for them to understand why their parents are getting divorced which is that the marriage failure is because of their badly behavior.
Some kids feel guilty about what happened or wish they had prevented arguments by cooperating more within the family, doing better with their behavior, or getting better grades. (Teens Health 1) Sometimes people decide to divorce because they realize that there are so many problems that they believe that the best option is divorce. But for the children may not be that way and see it as the destruction of their home, their priority or an unexplained change that they cannot solve themselves. Those beliefs in teens can make them angry at themselves.
While being angry at them the teen is also likely to be very compliant and extra helpful to their parents trying to make up the mess they believe they have created. (Hudson Chris 2) They can begin to do things you were not doing before like cleaning the house, doing homework, getting better grades or having a better behavior with their parents this trying to fix everything they believe caused the divorce of their parents. Another reason why a counselor o a physiologist the best support teens can have is to prevent them to refuge in drugs or in other vices because they feel is the only way to forget what they are going through.
Many times the home environment is difficult, and teens stress over their parents’ relationship, the cause of the animosity, and their future. Turning to alcohol or drugs is a way to feel good and momentarily forget what’s going on in their lives in this case their parents’ divorce. Teens should be carefully monitored and at first sign of substance abuse steps should be taken to intervene. (Laura R. Garcia 2). For a majority of youths the drugs are categorized as an aid to forget the problems, therefore during the difficult moment of the divorce of their parents they find the drugs or vices like a refuge even if they don’t like them.
Dr. Susie Vander and her study agree with the idea that a counselor helps a lot to prevent that the youths begin to get involved with drugs and alcohol. In this study Dr. Susie Vander worked with a group of approximately 15 teenagers in 9th thru 12th grade from several different high schools across the country. Several teens said they began and continued to use drugs and alcohol to manage the feelings of confusion and inconsistency in their lives when their parents divorced.
All teens agreed that divorce creates a significant emotional need in teens and many use drugs or/and alcohol to cope with the impact of parental divorce on their family lives. (Susie Vanderlip 2). In this study we realize that the drugs are a consolation, a solution or a refuge for the youths to forget the problems of their house and not to feel the abandonment. Probably if they to feel the support of someone or the compression they would not have to experience things as a vice.